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CAT COMMANDMENTS:

1-Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the modem.

2-Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.

3-Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.

4-Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor as thou are not transparent.

5-Thou shalt not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator.

6-Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.

7-Thou shalt not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.

8-Thou shalt not leap from great heights onto thy human's genital region.

9-Fast as thou are, thou cannot run through closed doors.

10-Thou shalt not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.

11-Thou shalt not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thou wilt fall in and trap thyself.

12-Thou shalt not jump onto the toilet seat just as thy human is sitting down.

13-Thou shalt not jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4 a.m.

14-Thou shalt realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.

15-Thou shalt not trip thy humans even if they are walking too slow.

16-Thou shalt not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in thy house.

17-Thou shalt remember that thou are a carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.

18-Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded. (yeah right)

 
DOG COMMANDMENTS:

1. Thou shalt not act half-starved whenever thou watches me eat.

2. Thou shalt not lift thy leg to water the Christmas tree.

3, Thou shalt not roll in any smelly stuff thy finds in the yard.

4. Thou shalt not lie down next to me and commence making licking and popping noises. (I know what thou art doing.)

5. Thou shalt not dig up my favorite rose bush.

6.Thy shalt not treat my shoes as if they were thy chew toy.

7. Thou shalt not drink out of the toilet.

8. Thou shalt keep thy nose out of the cat's litter box.

9. Thou shalt not WATCH the cat while she is in her litter box. (She likes her privacy)

10. Thou shalt not run away from home in pursuit of a good time. (Thou has been neutered.)

11. Thou shalt not hide thy bones under my pillow.

12. Thou shalt not sniff the crotch of everyone thy encounters.

13. Thou shalt not harmonize with the cat at 2 a.m.

14. Thou shalt not sneak up on me and lick me in the mouth while I am sleeping.
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