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I am from Texas; therefore, I am allowed to pass these along!
How do you know when you're staying in a Texas- hotel?  When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead."

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A Texas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "'Bout what?"

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Two Texans are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack.  When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?" "Jes'  some chickens." "If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?" "Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you bof of 'em!"
"OK.  Ummmmm...five?"

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A Texan came home and found his house on fire.  He rushed next door,  telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here-muh house is on fahr!" "OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?"

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Why do folks in Texas go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more?
Because they heard 17 and under aren't admitted.

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Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Lester,  "Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation.  Only this year I'm gonna  do it a little different.  The last few years, I took your suggestions as to  where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii.  I went to Hawaii and Betty Sue got pregnant.  Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Betty Sue got  pregnant again.  Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Betty Sue  didn't get pregnant again." Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?" Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Betty Sue WITH me."

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Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911.
The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.Bubba replied, "At the end of  Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

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Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Texas to 32?  They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

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What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Texas?  Documentaries.

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Where was the toothbrush invented?
Texas.  If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

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Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Texas State Lottery?  The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

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A new law was recently passed in Texas so that when a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.

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What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a
hurricane in Texas have in common? 

No matter what, somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.
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