|Have you ever wondered what the other side of your bellybutton looks like? (My personal Hmmm for many years!)|
|Where in the nursery rhyme does it say that Humpty Dumpty was an egg?|
|If a stealth bomber crashes in the woods, does it make a sound?|
|If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 14, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?|
|What's the speed of dark?|
|If it's 0 degrees today, and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, ...how cold will it be?|
|Shouldn't the cosmic stupidity hopper be empty by now?|
|Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?|
|What happens if you get scared half to death twice?|
|Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?|
|How came they call them Tuna fish but not beef mammal or chicken bird?|
|If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, why do they keep abducting the dumbest people on earth?|
|If we're not supposed to eat late-night snacks, why is there a light in the refrigerator?|
|If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?|
|When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?|
|"So tell me, are those cookies made with real Girl Scouts?"|
|If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?|
|Is Santa so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live?|
|What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?|
|Why Do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?|
|How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?|
|If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?|
|What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?|
|What the heck is a near-miss? If you nearly miss something, don't you hit it?|
|How do you get off a non-stop flight?|
|Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic?
If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshits-u?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?
Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but not to their crotch when they ask where the toilet is?
Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to.
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and some say that this has already happened.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
You read about all these terrorists-most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.